Dancing At All the Chasunahs

Shalom u’vrachah,

With the arrival of another simchah season, baruch Hashem, I find myself rushing from one simchah hall to the next, practically every evening. I feel that, lately, the simchah situation has transformed into an industry that lacks the sincerity of the past. You walk into one hall, wish a quick “Mazel Tov” to the baal simchah, grab something off the bar and eat while standing, and then rush off to the adjacent hall or next wedding on the list. I’ve been wondering if there is any real meaning or substance to attending a chasunah this way, or if there is any difference at all if I stay home and skip the event if I am not truly participating in the simchah and mitzvah of simchas chosson v’kallah?

Thank you.

Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy, shlit”a, replies: This is an excellent and timely question. I remember how, in the past, wedding celebrations were the talk of the town, even though there was physically very little available. There were nuts and drinks made from concentrate, water, and a little ice. The band, if one could call it that, was a collection of tin cans that one or several friends drummed on. Yet despite the material lack, the atmosphere was permeated with joy, and everyone danced and celebrated with full hearts.

Today, obviously, the wedding industry has been upgraded tremendously, at least on a physical level. Nonetheless, the joy itself is felt less among the guests. Perhaps this is due to the unprecedented and blessed increase in the number of simchas, baruch Hashem, as well as the material abundance that exists in every home.

However, by no means should the diminished sentiments of joy that guests feel when they attend a chasunah detract from the effort they make to attend simchahs. Participating in a simchah is an actual obligation, especially when the host attended your own simchah (see Even Ha’ezer Siman 60). The foundational reasons for the mitzvah remain completely valid to this day, and attending other people’s simchahs also increases ahavas Yisrael and achdus.  Under no circumstances may we rely on the assumption that others will show up, because a person's absence is inevitably felt—even if they don’t realize it.  Moreover, we certainly wouldn’t want everyone to make that same calculation... Therefore, even if it’s a challenge to attend a simchah, it’s vital to make every effort to go!

The greatest joy for the baalei simchah is knowing and feeling that they are a part of a community, that their friends and acquaintances value them and come to participate in their big day. When a guest enters the hall, even for a few short minutes, and wishes the chosson or father a heartfelt "Mazel Tov," he gifts them with chashivus and kavod.  Your very presence, even if brief, builds and adds to the family's simchah.

being said, this doesn’t absolve us of the responsibility to strive to improve our conduct at chasunahs. If you have already made the effort to attend a wedding, make sure that you’re truly there. Dance, connect to the simchah, and gaze into the eyes of the chosson and mechutan. See their simchah and strive to genuinely celebrate in your heart together with them.

I’ll add that even mechutanim can stand to improve in this area nowadays... It’s time for people to simply rejoice, release the tensions and anxieties that come from worrying about external details, return to their childhood years, and just revel in the unbridled simchah of the moment.

In conclusion, here’s a piece of practical advice that can benefit us all: Before entering a simchah hall, stop for one second and think to yourself: “I’m entering this hall to fulfill the mitzvos of simchas chosson v’kallah and gemilus chessed.”

Wishing you and all of Klal Yisrael simchahs in good health and with happy hearts!