Fostering an Elul Atmosphere at home…

Dear Rav Levy, shlit”a

I want to begin by thanking you for your beautiful, helpful column which contains such wonderful guidance in chinuch. I am a mother of young children, and as we approach the Yamim Noraim, I am uncertain how to best approach this topic with my kids. On one hand, I want them to feel the kedushah of the time and gain understanding and appreciation of teshuvah, mechilah, and cheshbon hanefesh, but on the other hand, I worry about creating tension and instilling them with anxiety or fear.

How can we prepare young children for the Yamim Nora’im in a way that’s age-appropriate, but also impactful and spiritually uplifting? I’d be very grateful to hear the Rav’s insights on this topic. Thank you.

Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a replies: Your question reveals deep sensitivity to chinuch and ruchniyus. Your children are truly blessed!

Proceeding to your question, young children grasp things on a simple, concrete level. They are innocent and take things at face value. This is why it's really less suitable to engage them with complex ideas or discuss deep concepts with them.

What, then, is suitable and age-appropriate?

It's important to emphasize to children that Hakadosh Baruch Hu loves us very much, even when we make mistakes. The month of Elul and Yamim Noraim are a special time when we have extra opportunities to do teshuvah and grow close to Him. We blow the shofar now to awaken our hearts and remind ourselves that Hashem wants our teshuvah and accepts it with love, even when it’s imperfect.

Children understand very well what it means to ask for forgiveness. You can discuss everyday situations with them, like "What should you do if you hurt a friend or a friend hurts you?" Then, you can connect this to the concept of asking Hashem for selichah and mechilah.

Just as adults are meant to increase their mitzvos and maasim tovim during this time, you can teach your children to do this, as well. Show them that every good deed—a smile, helping someone, even saying "thank you"—is a very great thing. You can make a "Mitzvah Box" and give them a sticker for every good deed they do.

You can also encourage them to add a small part to their daily tefillos, like "L'Dovid Hashem ori v'yishi", “Zachreinu l’chayim”, or Avinu Malkeinu.

Children also love hearing stories and meshalim, and they can surprise you by their uncanny ability to internalize the messages buried within them. It's an excellent idea to tell them stories about these special days during Shabbos seudos, supper or before bedtime.

Also, the melodies that we sing during the Yamim Noraim arouse our feelings and connect us emotionally to the tefillos. It’s a nice idea to play these songs and melodies in the house during the day to get the family into the atmosphere of Elul and the Yamim Noraim.

Above all, there is nothing that impacts children deeper than personal example. The model that we set for our children speaks louder than any words. A child who sees his mother davening more, being more makpid on the mitzvos, and feeling and expressing emotion will automatically absorb the significance and connect to the kedushah of these holy days.

May Hashem grant you strength to bring the spiritual radiance of the Yamim Noraim into your home and to raise children with ahavas haTorah, yiras shamayim and simchah!